What? I can still hear his voice. He insists: Did you know you died last night? No, not really. I mean, I don’t even know if I am alive or dead. How in the world am I supposed to know?  To tell you the truth, at this point I got the chills. Is this the way you feel when you pass away? I can’t move, so guess this means it is true. I am laying on a stretcher, the room is creepily quiet, nobody is around. The room had this bittersweet smell, it was cold and the light was dim and blue.  I hear steps. No, wait, I am dead so I have no senses, do I? No God, don’t let this happen. It was supposed to be a very simple procedure and now I will not go back home, I will not go back to work, I will not go back to my life?

My life is so good, this is the best time of my life. Enjoying every minute, with a cool job and a great family. It is the time to harvest what I planted during life,  and I swear to God every heartbreak made me stronger, every bully gave me strength, and every clash brought me  courage.  Reaching a lifetime dream of leaving my footprints to better education has made me so incredibly joyous. And now they tell me I am dead? No, it is not fair.

Suddenly an angel – or a doctor – appears and tells me they are taking me to my new dwelling. No, I beg. I wanna see my mom just one more time! I wanna tell her how much I love’r. I wanna thank her for a wonderful childhood she made possible for me, despite the agonizing parting of my dad. But nobody listens and they roll my stretcher to another room where I see motionless people! So, I am really dead and they are getting me ready for my farewell.

I am so confused, am I really dead? I guess so. Then a nurse tells me I am gonna get better, and starts telling me my surgery went bad and almost didn’t make it, but I am alive. I am alive! I asked the nurse if it was for real, and then it all started  to make sense. I remembered being in my office with a child, and when his father came to pick her up I inadvertently and stupidly leaned on an open door, and in two seconds I was on the floor. People gathered around me and told me not to worry, and to take it easy. They picked me up and my family took me to the hospital. Yeah, a broken wrist and a dislocated elbow was the result. The surgery was supposed to be a minor procedure but the inexperienced anesthesiologist made a mistake and almost killed me. Quarter of a million pesos,  great suffering, and pain was the result.

By Jessyca Chanut Esperón

June, 2019